Rules

He couldn't help himself.

"Damnit, how could I have been so stupid?" he cursed himself a million times as he drove home.
He pulled into the demarcated parking spot, killing the engine, and leaning forward onto the wheel. "What have I done..." he groaned.
Eyes closed, he could see her face on his left; anxious eyes, chin resting on the seat next to his, and second-guessing herself. Her eyes glowed no matter what the time of day or night it was, no matter how upset she was, and her eyes had been doing strange things to him for the past almost two years... Something had snapped today. He'd been too tired to fight it...
"I can't do it, I'm so scared..." he'd stopped the car and turned to look at her.
"What of?" it had been an inane question. He knew what she was scared of, he'd seen it building in her eyes every day for the past week.
He'd seen the sheer effort she had put into the smile she flashed him every time he had asked if it was okay... It hadn't been; he'd known that, but he had no choice. And she knew that too... Her eyes told him she did.
Why now? What drove her to say this out loud now?
She looked at him, chin on one hand she'd hooked over the seat, eyes wide, and silently.
"Of the next few days?" He'd supplied, knowing the challenge thrown to him, knowing he was being tested.
She had nodded.
He turned the car off, turning in his seat so the light from the outside would stop hitting her eyes. "You'll do fine... Don't worry..."
Her eyes still shone at him, through the dark, and he could feel his control snap. She sighed, and he knew the next step would be her picking up her stuff and leaving, and the last he would see of those eyes would be worry.
"Hey..."
He'd seen the question, the pause, and he'd gone for it. He couldn't leave her like this, he couldn't leave her so scared, so low on confidence.
He didn't know what anything he did would do to help, apart from if he stayed... "I can't stay back, you know that..."
His hand reached out to her before the words were out of his mouth, cradling her cheek in his palm, he pulled her towards him and kissed her.
She hadn't resisted. He had known she wouldn't... He had seen the feelings she hid from everyone. He'd known. He'd resisted.
But not right now, not at this time, with the end looming in so many ways.
He pulled back, petrified at the reminder his brain had thrown him.
Her eyes told him that she knew the same thing.
She mumbled a quick good night, wished him a safe trip & left, without a glance back.

She hadn't turned back to him when he'd re-entered. Everyone else had called out, hugged him, but not her.
He knew it was forbidden.
He knew it was more than against all the laws he'd drawn up.
But that nonchalance hurt him more than anything else could have...

He didn't see her eyes, staring at his shadow walking across her screen, wishing she could have run into his arms like she had in her dreams a thousand times.
Knowing that it would jeopardize everything that brought them together, she blinked away the tears & stayed in place.

The only thing that would hurt her more would be not seeing him everyday.

It Was Just a Crush

She knew he hadn't dreamed of a day spent within the crowded spaces of city bars.
He had gone along with her demands, and she knew it was unfair that he should have to. But she also knew that she had been too excited to be able to keep comfortable in the setting he'd envisaged.
Two hours after they'd met, she now felt comfortable...
"Academy ka crush ho yaar... There's an importance you wouldn't understand."
She understood.
She remembered those days of rushing to get to training 5, 10, 15 minutes early so they could meet. Not because they got time together, but just so that they could spend as many precious moments being in the same space & being friendly. She remembered the little smile she always had while walking past his squadron, the side-eyed sweep she always gave the windows & the grounds before she drew level, the fluttering in her gut when she saw him from a distance.
She always ended up seeing him.
They shared a rifle.
They shared... A weird connection. It was the kind of connection that allowed them to sit together late into the Delhi winters & talk about his girlfriend & her boyfriend, the kind of connection that made her want to meet him years later when he came to her city, the kind of connection that freaked her out because she knew what she had dreamed it would lead to.
"Let's go?" she had spoken very softly, but she knew he'd heard it.
He looked at her, wondering, she knew, if she would demand to go home after they left. She reached out under the table & curled her fingers around his hand. She wasn't ready to go home yet.
It was drizzling when they left the bar, but they strolled through the streets hand-in-hand without a care for the misty rain. Entering the brightly lit interiors of the hotel, they didn't say much as they took the elevator up to his room.
She was freaking out again, it was too quiet, too sudden, too... Here.
The lights were off as they entered the room; he reached up to put the key card in the slot as they walked in, but she reached up and stopped him.
She turned to push the door shut behind her, holding his hand in hers, rubbing her thumb over his wrist as the light from the corridor was cut out, leaving them in the darkness only hotel rooms can give, alone with their breathing.
She guided his hand to her waist with one hand, reaching to grab his shirt with the other. She could hear him breathing over the thump of her own heartbeat in her ears, as she rose up on her tiptoes, reached one hand up to trace the jaw she'd known would be as sharp as it felt under her fingers.
It was as if something snapped.
With a sudden movement, he cupped her neck and pulled her lips closer to his.
When they kissed, it was like reliving a fantasy... The boy she'd last had a crush on was kissing her back.